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Aug 24, 2004
*huggles her Sapph and Jewells*

Hey guys  :)

I'm okay first off, well I won't lie, I am never okay...LOL  I moved, hence the longtime not online.  Just got my computer unpacked and reconnected so here I am.  Got the kiddos back in school and stuff, and nobody died so I guess I am doing pretty good.  Healthwise, things suck.  But I guess that is cool, because if I ever felt good I would probably keel over from a heart attack.

My docs are going to start chemo on Monday, it is the only drug left as a treatment option for my Crohn's.  It is either that, or more surgery..which has its own set of bad bad baaad possibilities.

*sigh*

But, I am still around and kicking.  Just wondering what is around the corner when they start pumping me full of this crap.

But I will be around as much as I can.

Love and miss you all,

Linda  ;)

Posted at 08:47 pm by Bestroika
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Jul 3, 2004
Alright already, I have had ENOUGH!

Yep, so the Emergency room doctor looks at me tonight and says, "Nope, you aren't having a heart attack, but you do have a condition called Pericarditis or inflammation of the protective membrane around your heart."

*stares at doctor a moment and resists urge to slaughter all*

I am so tired of all this damn medical bullshit..and what satanist from hell develops a medication that a person has to take for a condition but said medication causes this inflammation of the heart thing??

I am taking off this weekend, me and all my pills to treat this bullshit and I am going to go have some fun with my kids.

Have a great Fourth everyone.

Bye!!

Posted at 04:15 am by Bestroika
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Jun 29, 2004
*shrug*

Here I am attempting to update this LJ, and I gotta tell you my heart just isn't in it tonight.

*sigh*  I lost a good friend recently, a wonderful person who happened to share the same disease that I have...crohn's disease.

She was just two years older than me, and died from complications to the immune system suppressing drugs she was taking, just like me.

My docs are trying to put me on some pretty toxic shit as a last ditch treatment effort because the meds I am taking are causing me severe allergic reactions.

I fucking hate life.

Period.

Posted at 11:43 pm by Bestroika
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Jun 16, 2004
One year older....

Twas my birthday on the 14th, I didn't do much in truth, just sort of enjoyed the day and thought back on the last year of my life.  Contemplation is sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself after another year of life is added to your standing number, and I found myself thankful for all I have been given.

Some peeps remembered my birthday, others have so much going on in their lives that I am shocked they remember their own names. 

School feels like it is just around the corner, we are taking off for the first week of July, just to go places and have some fun and get away from the daily grind of normalcy here, should be fun.

I am thinking of moving, yes..you heard it here first.  I have a deal in the works for the house I grew up in and I really don't think I could turn it down if I wanted too, we'll see though.  Too soon to tell about things.

I just wanted to let you all know I am alive and kicking, just not online much since I am enjoying my summer and getting peace where I can.

Love.

Linda

Posted at 01:18 am by Bestroika
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May 26, 2004
Burial

Thanks to everyone that sent their love, prayers, and thoughts during this horrid time in my life. 

For all the candles lit.

And the moments spent sending your best wishes.

I love you all so much and thank you.

Today sucked.

I want to go back to bed for about a week and sleep until it all seems like a horrible nightmare I can wake up from.

Please keep my friend in your prayers.

Love,

Linda

Posted at 12:50 pm by Bestroika
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May 24, 2004
Numb

Hello all,

I had a few random moments of peace and thought I would update to let everyone know what is going on.  The wake is tomorrow, the funeral is on Wendsday.  Today I am pretty much just sitting here and doing nothing that I don't absolutely have to do.  My friend and her son spent the night last night, I was up for a couple of reasons.  One was because I couldn't sleep and wound up online with two wonderful people that managed to make me smile some.  And two, was because every little bit my friend would wake up screaming in her sleep.

It was a long night.

On the upside although I only got three hours of sleep I was awake on time to take the kids to school today and such.  Yay me.  ;)

This whole thing is just crazy.  It seems like everytime death touches my life in some way I become more and more confused to the motive.

I know that most people are taken aback by death, but this is ridiculous.

He was just over here last week and I was sitting in my living room feeding him cheese crackers for fuck sake.

And then suddenly he was gone, and my best friend's heart was ripped out.

I am so confused.


Posted at 11:45 am by Bestroika
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May 23, 2004
Grief

I would leave emails for people but I am far too tired to do so, a LJ update will have to do.  I have lost someone near and very dear to me and I won't be around for the next few days.  I find myself in the role of comforter for one of my closest and dearest friends that has suffered a tragedy that no parent should have to suffer.  I will not get on here and talk about it however as it would be disrespectful to her and her suffering family.

I will try to update when I can.

Love,

linda

Posted at 12:04 pm by Bestroika
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May 20, 2004
Wow!

I have had the best last couple of days, due in part to meeting a wonderful person whom I love talking too.  :)  The weather has been interesting, rain and then sun..or vice versa.  The good news is that my garden is loving it.

Today was just Wow, with a capital W. I am hoping to have more Wow in the near future as well. A girl could truly become spoiled in this, and you know what, I am good with that.

Took the kids to the zoo today, and we had an absolute blast, I can really tell that the gym time is helping me out, I was outrunning the other moms there today.  I had alot on my mind at the same time though (good things) so maybe I was just able to ignore the pain.  LOL

Came home and had the best afternoon.  *points to smile on her face* See?  It is still there and the Wow was hours ago.  *laughs*

I went to the gym with said plastered smile and worked my ass to the bone, it was a great workout.  And I lingered in the pool longer than I normally would have because it was warm and I once again was thinking happy away thoughts and lost track of time.

Came home to have gigantic fight with Shayne, that was the only bad part of the night, and even that was fixable.

*grins* Hope everyone had as good a day as I, and have a great weekend.  ;)

Posted at 09:53 pm by Bestroika
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May 17, 2004
Busy, busy, and more BUSY!

Hey all, I don't want anyone thinking that I fell off the face of the earth so I thought I would post while I had one free moment with which to do so.  The next few weeks are going to be insane, the end of school is coming so there are celebratory things to do, and my youngest has his birthday soon as well so there is alot to do for that.  I do not have a clue about how much time I am going to be spending at home, let alone online.  :o/ 

The best way, if you happen to need to reach me, is of course through email since I will at least endeavor to check it once or twice a day.  :o)  I hope that all your summers rock, and I hope that when next we speak that I hear nothing but good news from you all.

Love you guys.

:)

Linda

Posted at 12:00 pm by Bestroika
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May 14, 2004
Playing in the Dirt...;)

Anybody want to join me?

Hehe, yes folks it is that time of year again the growing time where everything is green and beautiful, and the earth smells rich and dark.  :)  I am going to be planting a small manageable garden this weekend, something that the kids and I can enjoy over the summer.  A place where they can get their toes and fingers into the dark rich earth and learn how things grow.  I plan to grow lots of tomatoes and make fresh pasta sauces, I also plan to tear my old herd garden apart and replant.  By the Gods, if I have survived this last horrid year then my garden gets a chance to be a new person as well. 

Twill be fun, the kids will love the various digging tools that I have, there will be plenty of sun to enjoy a good day at gardening, and by the time we are done we will have our own little space that will afford us good tasting veggies and a few fruits to last the summer into the fall.  We plan to grow our own pumpkins and watermelons too. :)

Since my reaction to the meds has pretty much been contained at this point, I will probably start back to the gym on Saturday. YAY!  I am actually looking forward to it, I missed it the week I had to take off to rest.  Bleh.  I am tired of resting, I have done nothing but that for a year now.

And it sucks.  :oP

I don't have to see doctors again for four weeks unless something goes awry, that is the longest I have gone without seeing them in a loooooong time, and my heart feels such joy knowing it.

I love my doctors, don't get me wrong, but if I am not seeing them that generally means I am doing well.  I could use a little more well in my life, that much is for sure.

Anyway, time to take the rest of my rainy day here and plot out where things are going to be planted.

Love you guys and have a great weekend.

Yours,

Linda

Posted at 01:48 pm by Bestroika
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